Swine flu. Run for my life!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
