wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
it's like iHOP with fire
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
