would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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