oh god the rape fog is back!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
