Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
