Plan B is the new Plan A
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
