I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Sober January is a disaster.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Randomize
