He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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