When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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