she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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