why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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