xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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