we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want to make out with him forever
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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