I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
