Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
