So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
