You made me cry and you don't even care
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
