my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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