You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
