I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
