he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
