Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
