then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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