He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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