it hurts more in the daytime
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
