It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
