wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
