I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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