i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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