All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
