hell yes lets make some ravioli
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
