jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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