o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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