I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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