Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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