i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
