Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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