okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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