somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
