the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You're like the curious george of whores
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
