those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
