So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
