i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
