I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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