He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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