i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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