I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
