In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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