No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
