I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
