So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
