i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
there is glitter all over my balls
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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