"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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